I am Cecil Henry Edmund Wilbur Pantry – Chew to my intimate friends.
If you are yet young enough to benefit from my experience, I hope by these words you will find your way in life lit up in advance – the pot holes in-filled, the blind alleys well sign-posted, useful little short-cuts ditto. Or if you are looking back over roads already traveled, perhaps my counsel will afford a means of reconciling your social, personal and moral accounts? After all, as a locally-renowned (Clochbán, West of Ireland) colour therapist once quoted to me, ‘there is no useful purpose in guilt - the choices we make are the best we are capable of at the time’.
Marvelous woman! Inspirational!
After sharing such a liberating insight, I had not the heart to complain about the halitosis with which she blew away my unexpressed anger, leaning over my face there on her treatment couch - puffing up my nose and a little clammy from the effort. I tell you, despite my watering eyes, I was convinced. To this day, some ten years later, I keep on my mantelpiece the small bottle of red oil and clear water she prescribed for daily rubs on my tummy - to dissipate residual, childhood frustrations. Precious unction - 25 euro – 90 euro all-in for the session.
I left that room with a lighter heart and a notion of dispensing similar absolutions and permissions – not so much an opening market as a yawning chasm in the field of human exchange and commerce which I fancied I might profitably help to close over.
Events, however, intervened. My wife April died shortly afterwards which in turn led to other unanticipated outcomes. Fate, in short, has brought me here to this page – a more altruistic means of assistance, though private consultations are always a possibility. To adapt the words both of Mr Gekko - and of my former therapist: regrets and remorse are indeed for wimps - though not in fact lunch itself which, done well, is an institution to be venerated. "Gordon" is quite wrong about that.
If you are yet young enough to benefit from my experience, I hope by these words you will find your way in life lit up in advance – the pot holes in-filled, the blind alleys well sign-posted, useful little short-cuts ditto. Or if you are looking back over roads already traveled, perhaps my counsel will afford a means of reconciling your social, personal and moral accounts? After all, as a locally-renowned (Clochbán, West of Ireland) colour therapist once quoted to me, ‘there is no useful purpose in guilt - the choices we make are the best we are capable of at the time’.
Marvelous woman! Inspirational!
After sharing such a liberating insight, I had not the heart to complain about the halitosis with which she blew away my unexpressed anger, leaning over my face there on her treatment couch - puffing up my nose and a little clammy from the effort. I tell you, despite my watering eyes, I was convinced. To this day, some ten years later, I keep on my mantelpiece the small bottle of red oil and clear water she prescribed for daily rubs on my tummy - to dissipate residual, childhood frustrations. Precious unction - 25 euro – 90 euro all-in for the session.
I left that room with a lighter heart and a notion of dispensing similar absolutions and permissions – not so much an opening market as a yawning chasm in the field of human exchange and commerce which I fancied I might profitably help to close over.
Events, however, intervened. My wife April died shortly afterwards which in turn led to other unanticipated outcomes. Fate, in short, has brought me here to this page – a more altruistic means of assistance, though private consultations are always a possibility. To adapt the words both of Mr Gekko - and of my former therapist: regrets and remorse are indeed for wimps - though not in fact lunch itself which, done well, is an institution to be venerated. "Gordon" is quite wrong about that.
In the matter of doing life well, communication is everything. It must not be restrained by the uptight proscriptions of the expressively or otherwise retentive. ‘Mixed’ metaphors and ‘laboured’ analogies may be among your best friends. At the very least you are providing two explicatory ideas for the price of one – or all the benefits of a point thoroughly well made. I have found, too, that people can be unkind about what they seem to call ‘cliché’. There can be no intellectual indigestion, if you will, where an idée pensee has been thoughtfully pre-digested for you. Be your own conduit metaphor, synecdoche or metonym. The verbal palette is vibrant with colour - mix and match with abandon.
Rule-busting is important. Take rules apart, my friends, understand their constituent parts and reassemble them intact, if you still can. This is by far the best means of understanding why we have the concept of the rule at all. For instance, a wise man once instructed me ‘don’t drink or drug no matter what you do’. I can tell you, having thoroughly dismantled this rule and understood every nut and bolt it contains, that it is indeed a sound rule. And yet, I believe by my efforts I may be able to save a lot of people a lot of trouble in this and many other understandings similarly revealed to me.
Which brings me to a much-misunderstood, anti-maxim, if you will: ‘Do as I say, not as I do’. It is commonplace to sneer at this proposition, but the world is in fact teeming with adherents to the principle. The difference between all of them - so far as I have ascertained - and your correspondent? If I am not mistaken I am the only one who boasts openly that I am guided happily by this perspective. Its convenience and all round serviceability cannot be overstated. I hold in the highest esteem the members of political groups of every hue and stripe. Their skill in this regard is unparalleled in the known universe of human endeavour - although some doctors I have known would give them a run for their money. There is in life a more nuanced interpretation one may put on matters which may be of immeasurable assistance. Members of the media, legal and accountancy professions, I observe, understand this imperative well. For there are many sound reasons and an infinite variety of circumstances in which an appreciable difference between what one claims for oneself and what one actually does may be fully justified. If one does not wish publicly to unsubscribe from an established mode of conduct there must be the means to avoid the necessity. There are, nevertheless, shrill notions of ‘morality’ abroad which can render one subject from the propriety zealots to accusations of ‘hypocrisy’ and other, worse vulgarities. I will demonstrate how I have dealt with this type of thing.
It is of course wise to avoid all forms and sources of irritation as much as is humanly possible.
I mention briefly how much at odds I am with the critical attitude implied by the notion of ‘the lazy man’s load’. Why would a sane person make two journeys where there is need only for one? There are, it seems, unacknowledged qualities of intelligence and determination native to those of us who set out thus to make economic use of our time and effort. The attendant risks and potential losses work in one’s favour overall, in my experience, though true ‘success’ is not a science amenable to reckoning in bald sums.
There are two further essential advices which the astute will appreciate – appetisers, if you will, before the entrée - the rich stew, the colourful salad – the eclectic smorgasbord of subtle observation that is my freely-shared bio-blog.
Never buy a two-door car. Your relationship with it will be one of permanent regret. It is not so much that your purchase will have been a false economy per se but that it will be immensely inconvenient, practically speaking. As with cars, so with life generally. False economies should be avoided wherever possible, depending on who is paying. The trouble caused to you in trying to overcome the consequences of parsimony will be tiresome. At the very least it will upset your general disposition, which needs to be pleasant and easy-going. Seek out the generous-minded among your acquaintance.
And finally, never set the wrong date on your computer, unintentionally or otherwise. The ensuing chaos defies description and yet it is a simple matter to rectify. I know many – many - whose psychological and emotional computers are set to the wrong date – unintentionally and frequently otherwise.
Next: In which the pattern of life is set: The Pantry Household - Link Here.
Cecil Pantry, April 26th 2013
Fanmail: chewpantry@gmail.com
Twitter: @CecilPantry
Copyright Cecil Pantry 2013
